Wednesday, 12 June 2013

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

At last, the day has arrived. Cue fanfare and trumpeters worthy of welcoming the King Under The Mountain himself...

So why should you be excited? That is, of course, if you're not already. Well, here's a comprehensive (disclaimer; comprehensive here might not stand up to dictionary definition) guide to why The Desolation of Smaug is going to be the best thing to happen to December since Christmas...

[1] A voiceover from Thranduil stating the obvious to a clearly unimpressed Thorin. Thank you for close captioning his pain, Elven King. Really summed up the whole first movie in thirty seconds.
[2] Scenery porn. Seriously, Mirkwood sounded horrific in the books and I'd be happy to live even there.
[3] Bilbo and his butterflies. We're torn between the adorable freeness of the moment, and giggling at the idea of King of Grumpiness Martin Freeman having to film that scene.
[4] Barrels everywhere! Oh, Killi, you make it look like such fun. Expect to see Barrel Bobbing at the next Olympics - you heard it here first.
[5] Legolas and appropriate prequel character regression. Watch this trailer, then watch Return of the King. We dare you.
[6] Tauriel. Oh, Tauriel. You call Legolas out and continue being the most badass elf warrior to grace Mirkwood.
[7] Gandalf and his mysterious missions. This one looks like one of the best, especially since Sir Ian McKellen will hopefully get to act with people who aren't just green screens.
[8] Giant spiders. Having Harry Potter movie flashbacks and planning just who we're going to hide behind in the cinema already.
[9] Bard, archery everywhere, and 'my lad.' Plus, the set up for the biggest troll (in the modern rather than Tolkien universe sense) of the whole trailer and our last point...
[10] SMAUG. Oh, you glorious beast you. We're placing our bet for Villan of the Year right now...

That's it then. If you're not excited by now, we don't suppose you ever will be. All that's left now is to find a way to pass the time until December. We're sure something will turn up.